Someone Should Kill This Film: Day of the Dead (2008)

It's sad to see failed potential.

Starring Ving Rhames and Mena Suvari, the girl who was in this splendid picture:

(and the American Pie films) and directed by Steve Miner (Friday the 13th parts 2 and 3, Halloween H20), Day of the Dead should've been a decent movie. 

It was not.

First: It's not a remake of George Romero's 1985 film of the same name, which I wish I'd watched instead. This is a wholly different film, and that in itself is stupid. Why use the name if it's not a remake or reimagining? It says it's "based on" Romero's film, but other than a couple of vague references to the original (missile silo, one sympathetic zombie), it bears little resemblance.

In fact, the plot is basically a slumming version of 28 Days Later that reminds you of a Syfy channel ripoff. Virus turns people into stupid-fast zombies. The army is there, but they're not really helping, and blah, blah, blah. 

For everything 28 Days Later did right, Day of the Dead does wrong. For the first 20 minutes or so, Miner thinks he's directing another slasher flick. He has some teens making out, a couple stumbling off to explore the shadows of a spooky old building and teases us with the reveal of the McGuffins, and when it finally happens, it's just not scary. Or fun. And zombie movies have to be one of the two. 

Rhames' presence is just flat-out confusing, plot-wise. It makes you think you're watching a sequel to the Dawn of the Dead remake, a fine film that Rhames was in. But it is implied at the end of that movie that his character died. So by the time you figure out Rhames' real purpose - to collect a paycheck while putting a big name on the marquee - you're already mad at the film makers.

And it just gets worse. Nick Cannon shows up, acting like a poor man's Eddie Murphy, throwing out lines like, "That's what I'm talkin' 'bout! Run they ass over!" That wise-cracking, part-angry-black-man, part ultra-cool playa character-type wore out its welcome a long time ago.

To her credit, Suvari tries, and there's a British radio DJ who's a tiny bit interesting, but those two are just not enough to overcome the silly dialogue and tired cliches. The effects are decent and the gore plentiful, but no kills are particularly cool.- save for some done with fire, which are mildly entertaining, but also perplexing. (Fire apparently immediately turns the zombies to cinders.) The film also brings up certain questions about Suvari's character that are never answered. That's just sloppy. 

If you want to see Rhames' good zombie film, watch the Dawn of the Dead remake. If you just have to watch one called Day of the Dead, watch Romero's from 1985.

1.5 stars.